Posted on behalf of yankluver
Title: A Proper Goodbye
Disclaimer: I do this out of a love for the show. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Season 5 stuff. Pretty much just season premiere.
Summary: Weiss visits Sydney to say a proper good-bye and give her something from Vaughn.
Sydney moved around the living room as she dusted. Few people knew this about her: She cleans when she's feeling sad. She'd been cleaning a lot lately.
Sydney moved to the mantle and picked up a picture of Weiss and Vaughn. She smiled, as she ran her finger across Vaughn's face. She remembered when she had taken this picture. Weiss and Vaughn had competed in a one-on-one hockey battle. Predictably, Vaughn had won and Weiss had accused him of cheating. Sydney had taken a candid shot of Vaughn laughing as Weiss, in what was supposed to be a grand gesture of protest, stormed off the ice, only to fall flat on his ass in the process.
God, she was going to miss Weiss. He was just about the only thing holding her together. He and the baby she was carrying were her last remaining links to Vaughn.
She smiled, as she remembered when Vaughn had first told her about Weiss. He'd said, "He's the best and worst friend a guy could have. He's the best because he'd die for you. And the worst because he'd never let you forget it. He's the kind of guy who would haunt you for the rest of your life - in an annoying he-finished-the-last-beer kind of way."
Sydney knew in that moment that she would like Weiss. No matter what kind of day she was having, he could put a smile on her face. And now, when she needed that the most, he was leaving. She wanted to tell him to stay...That she couldn't stand losing another person she cared about. But she knew that wouldn't be fair to him. It was finally his turn to shine and no one deserved it more. She was determined to be happy for him.
Just then, the doorbell rang. Sydney looked down at the picture and, with one last sad smile, placed it back on the mantle. She walked to the door and threw it open.
A smile spread across her face at who stood before her.
"I know. I'm like a stray cat. Feed me once and I keep coming back," Weiss said with a grin.
Sydney laughed and threw her arms around him. After a few moments, she pulled back.
"What are you doing here? I thought your flight was leaving at 7:00."
"It was. I changed it to a later one. I felt like we needed a proper good-bye. That APO good-bye was anything but proper."
Sydney stepped back to allow him entrance. "Come in."
Weiss walked in and Sydney shut the door behind him.
Weiss looked around at the spotless apartment. "Wow, this place is really clean. I'm talking Martha Stewart clean." Weiss threw Sydney a knowing look.
Sydney shook her head in embarrassment. "Vaughn told you, didn't he?"
"That you clean when you're sad? Yeah. He said it's like being with his mother, except with sex." Sydney raised an eyebrow. "Okay, I added the sex part."
Sydney smiled, but it soon faded. She moved her eyes to the floor, her voice emerging softly. "I miss him so much."
"So do I. He used to buy me donuts."
Sydney chuckled through the sudden tightening of her throat. She looked up at Weiss, her eyes now glassy with tears.
Weiss smiled at her. "He loved you so much, Syd. I think there was a part of him that loved you the moment he first saw you. In the beginning, he drove me crazy with how worried he would get about you, how much he talked about you, the things he would do to protect you. And all that time, he acted like it was nothing...like he was just doing his job. But I knew. I could see it in his eyes every time he talked about you. You were it. And then when we finally met, I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at you."
Sydney squeezed her eyes shut, as a tear cascaded down her cheek. "I never even got to say good-bye." She paused and then added softly, "I'm not sure I know how to be without him."
"You'll find a way, Syd. You always do." He paused and then added, "You know, I talked to him right before it happened. He must have had a bad feeling because he told me to take care of you and the baby if anything happened to him. I told him that nothing was going to happen and that you didn't need me to take care of you, that you were the strongest person I had ever met. He knew that as well as I did, but he made me promise anyway." Weiss moved his eyes to the floor. "Syd, I don't think I can-..."
"Yes," she said firmly, with a sharp nod of her head, "Yes, you can. You have to. It's time you put yourself first. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Vaughn would want this for you. I want this for you."
"You know, I'm not that far away. I mean, I'm just a plane ride away. A phone call away. And there's always e-mail. I want every picture you ever take of that baby sent to me, especially ones where it's covered in cake. I love babies covered in cake."
"Deal," Sydney said with a smile.
Weiss lifted up a gift bag he'd been holding in his right hand that she hadn't noticed until then. "This is for the baby."
"Oh, you didn't have to do that."
"I wanted to."
Weiss handed her the bag. Sydney reached inside and pulled out a unisex baby outfit. It was the L.A. Kings colors and said "I'm a Pint-size Kings' Fan".
Sydney bit at her lower lip, as emotion began to overwhelm her again.
She looked up at Weiss, "Thank you. It's perfect."
Weiss nodded, "Make sure that kid knows how much his or her daddy loved hockey." He paused and then added, "And that he was a stinkin' cheater."
Sydney laughed. "I'll make sure."
Weiss glanced at his watch. "It's getting late. I better get going." He then reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope. "I wanted to give you this before I left."
Sydney took the envelope, her name scrawled across it in his familiar handwriting. She was suddenly having trouble swallowing.
"What is this?"
"Vaughn gave it to me before he died. He told me to give it to you if anything ever happened to him. I was kind of hoping we'd be old and gray and complaining about losing at bingo when we had this conversation, but things don't always work out the way you hope they will."
"Thank you," Sydney said.
"He loved you, Sydney, and he already loved your baby. Hold on to that."
Weiss then stepped forward and pulled Sydney into his arms. They held onto each other for a few long moments, as if holding onto the remaining pieces of Vaughn.
Weiss finally pulled back. "Take care," he said and then walked to the door to let himself out.
Sydney stared at the door for a few minutes, as if frozen in place. Then she slowly made her way to the couch and sank into it.
She ran her index finger over her name and then flipped the envelope over. With trembling fingers, she worked the envelope open and pulled out a sheet of paper. Sydney held it up to her nose and closed her eyes. She could smell him on it: A unique combination of aftershave, cologne, and something that was all his own.
She slowly unfolded the paper. She took a deep breath and began to read.
If you're reading this, then I'm no longer with you. I hope you're reading this after we've spent fifty wonderful years together. I hope we've seen our kids grow up and have kids of their own. But I have a feeling I can't ignore. And I don't want to have any regrets. I don't want to leave anything unsaid. So I need to do this.
I want you to know that I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you. Before that moment, if you were to tell me that love at first sight was possible, I would have laughed in your face. But it's hard not to believe in something once you've experienced it. It made a believer out of me.
You've made me happier than I ever thought I could be. I look forward to seeing you everyday and I miss you whenever we're apart. I can't wait to tell you about something when it happens. I love how you clean when your sad and cook when you're worried. I love how you can solve complicated mathematical equations, but can't program the VCR. I love how you cry during commercials with babies and kittens and scream during game shows. I love that you are so dedicated to your job and how much you care about your family and friends. I love waking up next to you.
We've survived a lot Sydney and I think we're better for it. It took us a long time to get where we are today. As I write this, we're engaged and you've just told me we're going to have a child. There was a time when I didn't think we would get to this point. But I guess some things are just meant to be. We are meant to be.
I sit here, filled with a million emotions. I didn't think it was possible to be so scared and so happy at the same time. We're going to be parents. I'm going to be a father. I used to think it was scary trying to outrun the bad guys. Now I know that it can't hold a candle to impending fatherhood. And I used to think there was no greater happiness than getting to see your smile every day. Now I realize there's no greater happiness than knowing I'll see your smile mirrored in our child's. I love this baby already, Sydney. No matter what happens, don't ever doubt that this baby is wanted and loved.
I think the baby's a girl, Syd. I can just feel it. I hope I get to share in all of the important moments in our daughter's life. I want to spend sleepless night after sleepless night with you. I want to argue about whose turn it is to get out of bed when she cries. I want to watch you hold her in your arms as you rock her to sleep. I want to be beside you as she takes her first steps and falls into our arms. I want to hear her first word. I know it'll be "Ma". I want to cry along with you on her first day of school and stay up all night when she's sick. I want to be there for all of her firsts. I want to be right by your side.
But if I can't, if it's not meant to be, then know that I am there in other ways. I'm there in our daughter and I'll be watching over both of you. I love you, Sydney.
Tears slipped down Sydney's cheeks and hit the words on the paper. The ink blurred and spread out. Sydney sank back into the couch and brought the letter up to her chest, close to her heart.
"Good-bye," she whispered.
And it was almost as if she could hear him whisper it back.