Posted on behalf of yankluver
Title: Eternal Moments
Disclaimer: Alias and its characters do not belong to me. I do this out of
a love for the show and no infringement is intended.
Summary: Some parts of the hospital scene between Sydney and Vaughn that I felt were missing. Plus, I changed the end of the scene a bit to better satisfy my guardian angel heart.
God, she's beautiful...Even more so when she sleeps, if that's possible. There's this peacefulness...this innocence...about her when she sleeps.
I love looking at her like this. There's no pain or worry marring her features as I am accustomed to seeing. She looks like an angel.
"Don't frost the pie," she murmurs and shifts her position slightly.
I laugh. So Sydney Bristow talks in her sleep. I absentmindedly wonder if I should be worried about that. I hope she doesn't let any classified information slip out.
"Vaughn," she says softly.
I'm thrown from my brief thought detour. I focus back on her, thinking she may have woken up.
Nope. Her eyes are still securely closed.
Why did she say my name? Or did I just imagine it? Did I let my dreams cloud my reality?
"Vaughn," she says again, but this time in a kind of breathy tone.
She pulls her pillow closer to her and I swear I hear her moan.
Oh. My. God.
Is she dreaming about me?
No. No way. Now you really are letting your dreams cloud your reality.
She's probably just dreaming about one of our meetings or something.
"Don't stop," she says softly, but almost desperately.
Oh. My. God.
Sydney Bristow is having a dream about me...Me!
And I think it might be a sex dream.
But as much as this pleases me, it's also pure torture. The woman I am hopelessly in love with is lying only a few feet away from me apparently having some sort of romantic dream about me and all I can do is sit here and watch her.
Granted, I'd much rather be here with her than in my bed alone, per usual, but it's still torture.
She's right there...So close and yet she might as well be a million miles away.
I guess I'll just have to settle for watching her.
I could get used to watching her like this. I could get used to waking up to that beautiful face.
She inhales deeply and then her eyes flutter open. She smiles slightly.
Oh yeah, I could get used to this. I mean, I've dreamt about it a thousand times, I just never thought it would happen like this.
"Hey," I reply with a smile.
She asks me if I slept at all and I tell her off and on.
That's the truth, although the reason why is probably not what she thinks.
Of course, I'm worried that I may be sick. I'm even more worried that she may be sick. But I've gotten really good at pushing worries to the back of my mind and doing what I have to do. I could have slept.
I could have slept...if Sydney Bristow weren't sleeping here with me.
I started watching her and I just couldn't stop. I know that probably sounds creepy in a stalker kind of way, but that's not what it was like. I just couldn't take my eyes off of her. I never get a chance to just look at her face, admire her beauty. I either have to be in professional mode and talk all business or I have to pretend not to know her and force my eyes not to meet hers. So I decided to take full advantage of this opportunity. Who knows if I'll ever get another chance.
And that meant getting very little sleep. Ah, the sacrifices I make for this woman.
I tell her about the pie comment. I don't tell her about the parts where she talked about me. That would have been an uncomfortable conversation.
She laughs about the pie thing, before her expression changes.
"Vaughn, can I tell you something?"
She rubs at her eyes and then won't meet my gaze.
"I had a dream about you."
Whoa. Did she just...?
I swallow hard.
I hope I made that sound like I had no idea.
She nods, a slight blush creeping into her cheeks. Her expression remains oddly serious though, not a hint of embarrassment as far as I can tell.
"Yeah. Right before I woke up."
I'm silent for a moment, waiting to see if she goes on. She doesn't, so I decide to take the initiative.
"Oh...so what was it about?"
I can't believe I just asked her that...Like she's really going to tell me about her sex dream. Of course, why would she bring it up unless she intended to tell me about it. I expect her to face to flush with humiliation at the thought of revealing such a thing, but it doesn't.
Instead, she focuses her eyes right on mine and goes on. Her voice cracks as she speaks, "It was terrible."
Oh, God. Her sex dream was terrible. Her sex dream about me was terrible! Damn it!
So why is she telling me this? She can't seriously hold me responsible for my actions in her subconscious. Not to brag or anything, but I think of myself as pretty competent in that department.
Great, just great. It's not like I'll ever have the chance to be with her in reality and now I disappointed her in a dream.
She goes on, her voice heavy and brow furrowed. "You were so sick. I kept saying your name and I was holding your hand, but I could feel you slipping away."
Oh. Whoops. Okay, now I feel really foolish. Not only was she not having a sex dream about me, but I totally jumped to conclusions about it. I am such an idiot.
I lick my lips and try to recover. "It was just a dream, Syd. I'm going to be fine."
She shakes her head, clearly unconvinced. I can tell her eyes are glassy from tears held back. "No, it seemed so real, Vaughn. I just have a really bad feeling about this. You were so sick...You were dying and there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless. All I could do was hold your hand and tell you not to stop fighting."
So that explains the 'don't stop' remark.
I stare at her for a moment, noticing a tear slide down the side of her face and hit her pillow.
Here she is so worried about me and my main concern is for her. I just want her to be all right. I'll deal with whatever comes my way, I just need her to be okay.
She's suffered so much already in her short life; she shouldn't have to endure anymore. If something were to happen to me it would be difficult for her, but she'd eventually move on. I can deal with anything that comes my way, as long as I know she's all right. I just want her to have a life to live.
I'm thrown from my thoughts by her voice. It's just above a whisper and I almost don't hear it.
"I'm so sorry about this, Vaughn."
"This isn't your fault," I reply firmly. I couldn't stand it if she blamed herself for this.
She shakes her head, "You wouldn't be here if it weren't for me. I asked you to come to Taipei. And now you may have been exposed to some potentially lethal virus."
"I went because I wanted to, Sydney. I wanted to help you."
"And it almost got you killed back then, too."
I remove my eyes from hers and lower my voice. "Knowing what I do now...If I were given the chance to relive it knowing exactly what would happen there and that it would lead to this right here...Well, I'd do it all again, Syd. I wouldn't give it a second thought."
I focus my eyes back on hers and notice a gentle smile cross her lips.
"I don't know how you do that," she says quietly.
"You never seem to have any regrets. You accept what happens and then move on. I wish I could do that. I have enough regrets to last me several lifetimes."
I remove my eyes from hers, my voice emerging in a slightly husky tone. "I don't have any regrets when it comes to you, Sydney."
I can feel her staring at me and I force my eyes to meet hers. Our gaze holds for a moment, before she looks away.
What I said was true. I don't have any regrets when it comes to her. Everything I've done for her, I'd do again in a heartbeat.
But, if things don't turn out the way I hope with this virus scare, then I will have one regret when it comes to us.
I'll wish I'd told her how I really feel about her. I'll wish we shared a kiss, just so I could carry that moment with me forever.
That'd be my only regret.
I'm thrown from my thoughts by the doctor's arrival.
Syd and I sit up and give him our attention.
He says she's fine.
I breathe a sigh of relief. Thank God.
Then he looks at me. Something's wrong. I can tell.
He says I have an elevated level of antibodies. I could be fighting a cold...or it could be something more.
I feel my breath catch in my chest. I can't believe this is happening.
I want to be optimistic about this, but it doesn't look good. I swam around in that crap for at least a minute. The chances that I...
I squeeze my eyes shut and listen to Sydney speak to the doctor. She asks him what the first sign of infection is.
Bleeding from the fingernails. Gruesome, but no such sign...at least not yet.
The doctor leaves and I tell Sydney I am going to be fine, but I think my voice betrays me. I just don't want her to worry about me. She has enough to worry about without adding me to the list.
I tell her to go, that her father is testifying and she needs to see it. She nods and puts her shoes on. She then stands up and I wait for her to walk to the door. Instead, she walks the few steps that separate us and sits by my side.
Without a word, she takes my hands in hers and then covers them with her own. She looks at them for a moment, concern clearly etched into her features. Her fingertips slide gently across my skin, as she traces invisible designs.
Then, slowly, she lifts my hands up and places a soft kiss across my fingers.
I'm stunned by the bold move, but I still manage to revel in the touch of her lips on my skin.
We sit there in silence for a few long moments, my hands still securely in hers.
"You should go," I whisper.
"It can wait," she replies softly, before again placing her head on my shoulder.
I wrap my arm around her and pull her close to my side.
This feels so right. This is how it should be.
I'm scared, but having her here with me brings me comfort.
And if things don't turn out the way I hope, then I'll carry this moment with me forever.